"If I fall asleep now, I'll get 7 hours of sleep..."

What do you think about when you go to sleep?

I rarely go to bed and not think of something in particular. I usually think of something nice; something that I have to look forward to, something that's already happened, something that I wish would happen but most likely it never will. Sometimes I play conversations in my head -imaginary and real- and sometimes I'm just so thrilled about some new thing that I've decided to do, that it's all I can fill my head with, and eventually I fall asleep and my thoughts turn into dreams. I kinda like it. In the morning it can be pretty exhausting though, because it feels like I haven't had any sleep at all; all I've done is thinking, when it's actually not true. But there are mornings, when my phone's alarm clock interrupts my awesome dreams. Then I just hit the snooze-button and continue dreaming from where I left off. I'm not kidding :) I can actually do that. 

There are many nights, when I'm just so tired that I pass out immediately after my head hits the pillow. They are few in between, though. I have way too much stuff going on in my head to fall asleep right away. One of my favorite things to do, is go through the story of Ava, all the twist and turns. Over and over again, until I have it all figured out. I haven't made it there yet. Almost :)

So there you go. Ava is the name of the main character in the story I've been working on. That is all I'm willing to let you know at this point. 

I can't wait for the moment I get to tell you I've started the writing process of my book! 

Love,

I

P.S. Don't forget to answer the poll! Your votes determine most of the future posts, remember that :)

a little repair and renovation

I stuck with the pretty basic layout for quite a while, and now I've changed the appearance of this blog again. I hope you like it :) Don't be surprised if it changes for another hundred times after this one. I love customizing all the layouts. 

I hope you all had a great weekend! <3

the world is my playground

Here I am, sitting on my couch, in my studio apartment, cleaning - watching a movie, chatting with a friend on Facebook.... and I look around me and think, am I ever going to get out of here?

It's hard to imagine that I will get out. I will. IwillIwillIwill!

I don't hate it here... Dislike is a better word. The circles here are too small and I feel I've seen everything this country has to offer. So, it's time for a change of scenery. I'll start with the 3 months in the States this fall. Then I'll come back... for a time that's necessary for me to gather up money for my next adventure.

Yes, I'm already planning my next adventure. 

I'll fill you in later :)

What do YOU want from this blog?

Time to bring back the poll!

I hope you'll all select one or more options from the poll on the right; it'll help me to improve this blog and make it more to your liking :)

I've been thinking about doing a video post (in English) at some point, so if you'd like to see me talk to you instead of writing, let me know. Also, if you want a video post, feel free to leave a comment and tell me what subjects you want me to talk about. 

I've been planning on interviewing a couple of people and posting their stories here. I promise, they'll be interesting to read! Also, I might be showing more of my art here if you want to see them. And if I get the chance to actually draw something... maybe next month I won't be so busy. And what else... well, this isn't a fashion blog, but I've done some fashion posts in the past, and wouldn't mind doing more, if you guys say so; I could introduce you to my wardrobe and you can judge my clothing :)

So don't forget to vote :) 

Thank you!

Did I miss my youth?

I've always been a good girl. You know, the kind that never ditches school, tries her best, obeys her parents, feels guilty for like a month after snapping at someone. I never went to bars or clubs under 18, though my friends from school tried to persuade me. "Your looks are going to waste!" they would say (I've always looked older than I truly am). But I never went. I liked being at home with my family, doing something low key, like reading and drawing. 

You know how some people don't take the best of their prime years... they sail through them and later on, way later, they suddenly get the urge to do the things they never did when they were sixteen. Lately I've been having the same feeling. Or I've been fearing of having that feeling. In a very short period of time I've become more sure of myself than I've ever been before, and thus gathered up more courage to be more me. I've also come to understand others better, and their way of expressing themselves. 

I'd like to dye my hair all pink, just because I love the color and because I feel more bohemian than ever. I think I've always been somewhat of a hippie. I won't dye my hair, though, so you can save yourself from the mini heart attack :)

I've been wanting to get a tattoo for a long time. I even know which one I'm going to get, if I'll ever have the money and the guts to ink my skin permanently. It's very small and I would get it in a place that's visible enough, but very easy to hide as well. 

I like to play with my thoughts. I like to think of myself actually doing this. But right now... I'm too much of a chicken. And broke. And I'm happy as a brunette. 

I don't know, if my prime years are behind me. Maybe I'm living them right now, or maybe they're still ahead of me. Either way, I don't think I missed them. I never did anything I wasn't comfortable with. I'm glad I was a good girl. Still am. My writing's still my main way of expressing myself, but who knows... maybe someday I'll choose more obvious ways to show my true colors. 

"This is the last call for the flight..."

I am ashamed to admit that it took me this long to watch the movie Up in the Air. Have you seen it? If not, watch it, it's great!! It's about a man (Clooney!!), who spends more time on an airplane than on the ground, and who has to face new challenges with his work, but to me the work stuff was secondary. I focused on the traveling part, as you may have already guessed :)

When I say that I travel a lot, I mean, like, once or twice a year. To me, it's a lot. But there are other people who travel once a month (like my mom has done this year), people who travel for work, people who travel just because they can. They have the resources. As for me, all my extra money is spent on traveling... something I learned from my parents from very early on. 

I can't even be compared to the people who practically live up in the air. It's their way of life. 

I don't want that. I would love to be able to travel whenever and wherever I wanted, but to do it all the time, switching destination every five minutes... No thank you.

 I love to fly, but it's not the time spent on an aircraft that I love. It's the feeling of going somewhere, of being able to go somewhere. I love circling around airports, I lovelovelove it when the airplane speeds up and takes off. I also love the landing. Sometimes. Not always, when I land to Helsinki-Vantaa International Airport. That's the one place I love it the most, when I take off. 

There are a lot of things you learn, when you travel much. You learn to pack only what's necessary. You learn to ask the right questions when checking in, you learn to have the necessary documents ready at hand, you learn to read people. The latter may not be the first thing that comes to mind, but it's true. Especially if you're traveling alone and end up sitting next to a stranger. After the first couple of minutes you pick up signs of whether or not they're talkative, social or if they want to enjoy their flight (or train-ride or whatever) uninterrupted. But mostly... you learn about yourself. Cliché, but very true. 

I only have a little over a month left until I get to enjoy all of this again. I'm flying with Delta Airlines and I joined their Skymiles -program. After doing so, I wondered why I hadn't joined into these things before... Well, I fly with a different airline almost every time I travel (I just pick the cheapest flights when I book them, without looking into what airline it is), so maybe that's the main factor. But maybe I should join. Can't do any harm, right?

And finally, I wanted to link this song for all of you to listen. One of my favorites, it's somehow very beautiful.

....yet another one ! :)

As if Facebook, Twitter and Blogger aren't enough... I've found a new love in my life. 

Instagram.

You can find me under the username iiris89. So far I've got 5 followers, feel free to join them! :)

Snapped this shot today:

With the rainy weather in Finland lately, rainbows are almost an everyday occurrence. Beautiful, don't you think? <3

Z is for ZOO

The last time I went to a zoo was four years ago in Washington D.C. I spent the day with a close friend of mine and her kids. It was a scorching day, and those of you who have been to the zoo in D.C, you know it's all hill. If I recall right, it was downhill going there and uphill when leaving. And it was pain. I was so jealous of the Segways the zoo-employees got to use to get around. But, regardless of the heat, we had a nice day. I'd forgotten how nice zoos are. I rarely visit them. I doubt I'll have the chance to visit one anymore this year (unless... I think there's one in Portland), but maybe next summer :)

And... this is it for the Alphabet-posts. In Finnish language there are actually three alphabets more (Åå, Ää, Öö), but still.. this is it. Any ideas for a next project?

total eclipse of the heart

Heyy :) Been MIA for a couple of days, sorry. I'm back! 

There's this annual music festival in my hometown that takes place in July. It lasts for four days and this year was my third time. I never go for more than one day, and usually it's the last day, when there's an international star performing. Mainly the performers are Finnish. Two years ago the international star was Boney M, last year The Village People (ahahah, so much fun!) and this year it was Bonnie Tyler!

We had a blast! 

An Instagram shot of my party-look

Suvi Teräsniska

Tuure Kilpeläinen

Bonnie!

Hope you all had a nice weekend :)

Me. Just me.

Yeah, so I admit I've had my share of small panic attacks relating to whether or not I've accomplished enough in my life. I'm 23 years old, and sometimes I feel like nothing's not enough. Most of the time, fortunately, I feel like I've done pretty well.

I've traveled in a lot of places, ever since I was a baby. I learned some English before it was a mandatory subject at school, and then went on learning, so ever since I was 10-11 years old, I've managed to communicate in English on my own, without much help. It has encouraged me to test my limits abroad. I can travel alone in the biggest cities in the world, and know I have what it takes to survive, and survive well. I've made some very useful contacts overseas, if I may say so myself. I have been blessed with common sense. I tend to be bossy sometimes, but hey, someone's gotta keep it rolling. I take after my mother on that one. 

I have friends, who enrich my world with their own backgrounds, stories and experiences. 

I'm a daughter of two people, who support my desire to explore the world. 

I have a brother, whom I love so very much, and whose occasional special needs make him the most special guy in this world. 

I'm not much of a talker, unless you get me reallyreally drunk (don't), but I've come to realize that blogging is the easiest and the best way for me to say things I may not be comfortable saying to someone's face, even if the things I want to say, are positive. 

I've gone crazy with my friends, laughed so hard it actually hurts, cried my eyes out, attended concerts of world-famous singers', screamed in awe, screamed in anger, loved, hated, embraced, gotten up from the bottom. I have lived. 

For a 23-year-old... could be a lot worse :) 

Love, 

me

Brand it, baby!

I don't usually go to flea markets. I'm just not that thrilled to have something used. I don't know why, since it's perfectly ok, and I know you can find amazing stuff if you happen to be at a right place at a right time. In fact, I'm selling some of my stuff next month at a flea market, to get some extra cash to Oregon. 

Well, anyways, yesterday I let my friend drag me to a flea market, and OMG I got stuck at the very first table. It happened to be my heaven. Me, at the right place at a right time. 

Louis Vuitton e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e!

Got this for my make-up!

This for my phone :) Love this one!!

I've always loved Louis Vuitton. I have an LV-bag, too. Cost me 20 bucks. The woman who sold it to me was very vague of its origin. She said it was real but I'm not sure if it is... But it's amazing. The details and everything make it look so real. If someone just gave me a certificate that it's an original Louis Vuitton, I would totally buy it. 

I fell in love with this ring. I know skulls are a bit out there, but for €1,20... Man, I love this. It's such a cool piece of accessory. It looks like it might be an Ed Hardy -ring, but I don't know, it doesn't say. And it's one of those adjustable rings that you can make fit any finger, so this one's definitely not an original piece :D 

Any cool stuff you've found on a place you weren't supposed to go? :)

*light bulb over my head*

This summer has gone by so fast. I'm glad to realize it's been good so far. The weather hasn't been too hot (although my apt is sweltering and I don't have A/C... so my fan's on 24/7). I've also had the chance  to do nice things. I got to see one of my favorite singers, Christina Perri, perform live, I've spent time with my friends and family, I'm doing well at work, I've made new connections and acquaintances... All in all, summer 2012 is pretty much rocking :) 

A couple of years ago things weren't this good, but I've learned a lot since then. And I wouldn't change a thing, because I think that was a turning point in my life. I wouldn't be the person I am today if it weren't for all the s****y (I don't like cursing, but that's the only word that describes this well enough) experiences. 

I still can't wait for the fall!!!

Once upon a time there was this girl...

After a while of posting about random stuff, let's get back to my favorite subject.

Writing. 

Remember how I told you there's an idea I've been working on for a couple of years now? Well, I'm so close to start working on it on paper instead of just in my head. Stoked! It still requires some polishing, but I think I'll get it started this year :) Now, don't be too harsh on me! It's already July, so I'm giving myself only five months. That's such a short time, when you really think about it. And with everything that's going on and everything that I still have ahead of me, I would probably be wise to give myself more time, but I'm too excited to wait anymore. 

All this planning has gotten me thinking about what would make it easier for me to start the writing process. Some say it's useful to draw from one's own experiences, but that's something I want to be careful about. It's only natural that some characteristics and story lines come from my own life, but I wouldn't want to have everything ready, you know? I've noticed that, when writing, sometimes the story writes itself. I love it when that happens. Even I don't know, what will happen in the end, and I'm the writer! 

Let's say I wanted to write about... me. A girl with a dream of becoming a writer, who loves to travel the world and be herself, no matter what others think. That's kinda.... boring. Beentheredonethat -stuff. There's nothing new to it. I would have to color it up a bit. I have this heart-condition that's really not a big deal, but on paper I could make it a big deal. The girl could have some serious problems in her life despite her health. At this point, it's not me anymore, that I'm writing about. It's just someone who's loosely based on me. As I add more to her, she becomes a totally different person, and that's my point here. Autobiographies are one thing, but when it's fiction we're talking about, I think the best way it works is to just keep it that way. Fictive. Real life is where the stories come from, but everything doesn't have to go by the book ;) Am I explaining my view in an enough complicated way?

Let me know what you think! 

xo

Y is for YOU

...if you've stuck with me through good and bad, awesome and lame, happy and sad. 

<3

The day when the thunder storm didn't come

My day off was supposed to be rainy and stormy. 

Everyone's kinda pissed, because the promised thunder storm never came. It might storm later at night, but still. Finns are crazy, we look forward to a good storm. 

Well, it was promising for a while, hot and humid. +28°C/82°F. 

We decided to go to the harbor. 

I love the old fashioned lemonade bottles!

The harbor is my favorite place in my hometown. It's very beautiful. I don't live in the coast, but Finland's filled with lakes. 

Tomorrow I have to go to work for a little while, and then I have two more days off. Life's tough :)

Btw, I ended up on Twitter! Ask for my username if you're interested :)

I can't think of a title!

I can't believe it's July already. I'm living in May. Fall seems so far away, and yet it's right around the corner. Summer's almost over (this up north it starts to get cooler in a month). But I'm happy cos I have something to really look forward as you know :)

My summer job ends in a month, too. Then I have almost all of August to prepare for being away for the following three months. The amount of cleaning up that's waiting for me... I wish I had enough money to hire someone to do it all for me. I hate cleaning, in case it's not obvious. 

I have my first day off tomorrow since last tuesday or monday.. I'm so happy. I hope I get to gather up some friends and we could do something together. I'm under the impression it's gonna rain tomorrow, so maybe a movie? Yesterday I went to see The Amazing Spiderman, and it was uhmazing!!! Seriously, go see it. It's so much better than the previous Spiderman -movies. Can't wait for the sequel!

I'm gonna wrap this up now, but first I have to share this picture with you. 

The-best-chicken-salad-ever! This is what I had for lunch today and yesterday!  My job is aaaawesoome! 

Haha, that was so random. Have a great night y'all :)

Every cloud has a silver lining. Mine was FedExed to me.

I guess the heat has reached the arctic as well. Dammit. 70° and sunny is all I ask. Especially when I'm working. Like today. But no... It's way more than 70°.My uniform is all black, and the AC at work isn't the best. Sometimes it's nonexistent. Today, in the heat, I kept running between the kitchen and the outside terrace, where all our customers decided to eat. The terrace is big, if I didn't tell you that before.

Sooo.. I'm kinda dead right now. Two more days of work and then I'll have a day off. AH! <3

And today was made better when I received a package from my friend in Abu Dhabi. She sent me a new case for my phone! :)

Bling<3

Hope you all had a good day! 

X is for X-FILES

Oh my goodness, you have any idea how hard a letter an X is?! 

Thank you to my friend, who came up with the idea of doing a post of my own X-files. 

Here are things you might not know about me:

*I never drink milk abroad. I don't know why, but I have this insane fear that it'll taste weird and I'll end up vomiting all over the place. Hence, I can't even have cereal anywhere else but Finland. Crazy!

*Public restrooms gross me out. I rarely use them, unless I absolutely have to. The same goes with airplane lavatories; I can sit still during an 8-hour flight without having to go to the bathroom. I have no problem waiting to get to the airport. 

*I've never understood the fuss about The Beatles or Elvis (Sorry, Linda). They have some good songs, but so do a lot of other singers and bands. 

*I'm a plant-killer. Seriously, don't ever buy me a plant, unless it's plastic. I've killed two of those mini bambu's you get from IKEA. I have a third... I have no idea how it's still alive, when I never give it any water. Freak of nature. 

*I can't eat mashed potatoes unless they're home made. You buy it ready from a store, I won't eat it. Yuck. 

*I like to fish, but I can never touch the worms that I use as baits. Someone else has to put the worm on the hook for me. Someone else also has to get the fish off the hook once I've caught it. 

*I've never had a chili-cheese dog. And last summer was the first time I had cheese fries. But have you ever had salty licorice? 

This will probably only increase your doubts about me being a loony. 

 Don't worry, you're not alone. 

12 months shrinks down to 2

For an adventurous person like me, there's a vast range of opportunities to travel and see what's out there. I was looking for one when my senior year in high school started. And I found one.

I had never been to the States before, always wanted to go, so a year as an Au Pair seemed like a perfect thing for me. I liked being with kids and I wanted to explore America. Right on! 

It's relatively cheap to go to be an au pair. The application process may not be the easiest one, but it's ok. You have to get a background check, go see a doctor who'll see that you're fit to go, fill in the papers (lots of them -including making a photo album of yourself and your life (that was the fun part)), do some personality tests (I know...), get an international driver's license... I hope I didn't forget anything. Anyway, after all of that you wait for the organization (which ever you use) to find you a host family. In my case, it was family number 22 or 23 that first contacted me, and after graduating high school I set out to go on what was supposed to be the greatest year of my life. 

Things didn't really work out, though. 

After two months the family let me go. The policy is, that when things don't work out, the family is obligated to keep the au pair for two weeks, while the organization works on finding a new family. The current family can decide whether or not to let the au pair work during this time. If the au pair works, they are of course entitled to get paid for the entire week. Four years ago the pay was something like 150-160 dollars a week, I think by now it's more like 200/week. I didn't work anymore. I didn't see much of the kids anymore either, which was a shame, because I'd gotten attached to them, especially to the little 2-year-old. 

You're probably wondering what went wrong. 

It was a communication problem. There was no problem with the language, as my English is fluent, but  I wasn't always aware of everything I was supposed to be doing, what were my responsibilities. I was hoping for more instructions, and the family wasn't happy with me. I'm not blaming everything on them. I was insanely home sick and I know it affected on my working, so there was fault on both sides. Still, I wish the family had realized I wasn't a mind reader. After two weeks I went to stay with a friend for a couple of more days and then I flew back home. 

It's been four years, and I haven't had any contact with the family since. It wasn't a nice good bye. In fact, they didn't even say good bye. Oh well. I was mad at them for a while after coming back home, but now I'm just hoping they're doing well. I hope the kids are all right, and I wonder what they've grown up to be like. Sometimes I wish I would run into them, when I visit my friends in the States, so that I could just have five minutes to talk to them, and make sure there are no bad feelings anymore. I actually wish I would see the dad, since he was always fair to me. 

I have absolutely no regrets. I didn't get the greatest year of my life, and the two months wasn't the easiest period of my life, either. But I'm so, so, so very happy that I went there. I met such great people there, and I made friends for life. I was so blessed to have found friends who took me in and took care of me when I really needed someone to be there for me, when my own family was only on my computer screen. If I hadn't left, I probably wouldn't be going back in the fall. I wouldn't have all the great experiences from my vacations afterwards. 

I've heard all kinds of au pair -stories. Some bad, some great. Don't be afraid to go, just because it didn't work for me. I worked out for a lot of people, and you can really have the greatest year (or two, if you want to extend!!) of your life. If you have any questions about this, don't hesitate to ask. 

Any other au pairs out there who would like to share their stories? I'm more than willing to post your stories here! Just say the word :) 

Have a happy July everyone! <3