I think this is it

Sooo... I've been wondering, for a long time now, about the future of this blog. I've been posting (irregularly lately) about things that I want to keep you updated on, and given you the idea that this is still going strong, but the truth is... that I think this blog has gone as far as it ever will. 

It's been a good run, and I've had a lot of fun with this. But I do admit, that the lack of interaction and attention caused the fun to fade. I shouldn't care that much, because I was writing this for me, but when you think you're actually going somewhere doing something you love, and then you don't, it's a bit of a mood killer. I appreciate the heck out of everyone who ever read my blog and left comments, who ever gave me such great words of encouragement to keep going with my dream of becoming a writer. I won't stop writing, but maybe blogging isn't the right alley for me. I have been considering starting a Finnish blog just for the fun of it, but I don't know if I will. 

I won't delete this blog. Not yet, anyway, not in a while. Maybe never :) Sometimes it'll be fun to read what I've been writing about. And who knows, maybe some day something really great happens and I just have to write about it in here. Of course I don't expect any of you to check in, but still. Oh, and I will continue on to read the blogs I've been reading so far. 

Thank you :) I'm off to do something else now. 

<3

iira

Naked Truth

A Finnish blogger wrote about how it's ridiculous, the way people criticize each other nowadays. She then posted a picture of herself with no make up on, completely natural. A bold move in today's world, when what's on the outside seems to matter the most. 

Eräs suomalainen bloggaaja kirjoitti siitä, miten naurettavaa on se, kuinka ihmiset kritisoivat toisiaan nykyään. Hän postasi kuvan itsestään ilman mitään meikkiä, täysin luonnollisena. Rohkea veto nykymaailmassa, missä ulkonäöllä on se suurin merkitys. 

You will find her blog post/ löydät kyseisen postauksen

HERE!

It really is appalling how some people choose not to get to know somebody based on the way they look. They are missing out on possibly amazing friendships and other relationships for something as fading as appearances. Really, think about it. Think about your friends and family members. They are not all super models, they do not all have the perfect athletic bodies nor the set of white, straight teeth, shiny hair or sense of humor, but they're still there, in your life. True, one cannot choose their own family members, but abandoning them isn't the option either, when you love them. So why should other people be any different? 

On oikeasti järkyttävää, miten jotkut valitsee tuttavansa ulkonäön perusteella. Sillä tavalla voi missata monta mahdollisesti mahtavaa ystävyyssuhdetta, tai muita ihmissuhteita. Pelkän ulkonäön takia! Ajattelepa nyt kunnolla... ajattele omia perheenjäseniäsi ja ystäviäsi. Ei ne kaikki ole supermalleja, ei niillä kaikilla ole täydellistä, urheilullista kroppaa, tai suoria valkoisia hampaita, kiiltävää tukkaa tai huumorintajua. Mutta silti ne on osa sun elämää. Tottahan se on, ettei omaa perhettään voi valita, mutta ei niitä nyt hylätäkään, koska tietenkin omaa perhettään rakastaa. Miksi muut ihmiset ois mitenkään poikkeus?

This is me, without any make-up, and my hair's messy and not brushed after holding it up on a bun. Dark circles around my eyes, shiny skin after applying lotion. Eye-brows that need plugging. This picture has not been photo shopped at all, and it was taken with my iPhone. 

Tässä olen minä, ilman yhtään meikkiä, tukka sotkuisena ja harjaamattomana. Tummat silmänaluset, kiiltävä iho rasvaamisen jäljiltä, kulmakarvat, jotka kaipaavat nyppimistä. Tätä kuvaa ei ole käsitelty ollenkaan, ja se on otettu iPhonellani. 

I hope that reading the post linked above (and this one) will encourage all of you to look a little deeper. And ATTENTION TO ALL THE BLOGGERS OUT THERE! Here comes a challenge: Take a picture of yourself all natural, and post the Naked Truth! Let it spread!!!

Toivottavasti yllä linkitetty postaus (ja tämä) rohkaisee kaikkia katsomaan vähän syvemmälle. Ja HUOMIO KAIKKI BLOGGAAJAT! Tässä tulee haaste: Ota kuva itsestäsi täysin luonnollisen näköisenä, ja postaa Naked Truth! Annetaan tämän levitä!!!

Poor me!

I've been pretty busy! Working - had my last day yesterday! :'( -, seeing friends, getting rushed to the ER, you know, every-day stuff. Don't worry, I just had to get a wood chip outta my foot. I'll be a slow shopper in the Black Friday MADNESS tomorrow!! I might never get to experience it again so of course I wanna go, even though I'm limping, and I have to wear this hospital shoe on my right foot... But oh well, Portland's weird, I can wear whatever and still not stand out. 

I don't have any special shopping plans for tomorrow, but I might do a post about all my bargains if I find the time! :) Sorry I've been MIA for so long!

Have a wonderful Black Friday everybody, and try not to fall down in the crowd...

Keeping it real, weird and weirder.

I believe I'm not the only one who thinks it's so friggin' unfair how time flies when you're having a good time.

I have only 3 more weeks left until I have to return to Finland. 

My time here in Portland has been amazing. I've got a ton of new friends, new experiences, new perspectives, new memories... I believed from the very beginning this would be an experience of a life time, but never did I think this whole thing would have such a huge effect on me. I knew I would come back to Finland so much richer than what I was when I left, but there's something I didn't expect.

I didn't expect to find myself in Portland. 

In Portland you can be whatever and whoever you want to be, and no one will say s**t about it. Be a hipster, be a hippie, be a nerd, a jerk, an artist, weirdo... You'll fit in. You have to be very, very strange to stand out here, and it's only uncool if you try too much to be something you're truly not.

To Thine Own Self Be True. 

I will be facing a big challenge in Finland. Trying to maintain my personality the way it really is, and not falling back into my old ways, when I was the quiet one in the crowd, afraid of big changes and afraid to stand out too much. That's NOT ME! If you ever see me starting to follow my old patterns, feel free to give me a good ol' slap in the face. 

"People are gonna tell you who you are your whole life. You just gotta punch back and say: 'No, this is who I am'. You want people looking at you differently, make them." 

- A quote from "Once Upon A Time".

I want to be me from now on. 

Keeping Portland Weird while I'm here,

-i

<3

Let's get real?

I honestly thought I would be blogging more here, but as you can see, I haven't. I am truly sorry for that. Finding the time to blog, write and read is very difficult, and I'm going to be honest when I tell you that I probably won't be back to regular blogging until I get back to Finland. I would love to be able to blog more, and not only about my life here, but of various subjects. The thing is, I only have about one month and a week left. In the end, it's not a lot, and I intent to take the most of it. If you've been reading my blog long enough, I'm sure you understand :)

Around New Year's I'll have my 2-year Blog Anniversary. I'm thinking of doing something special. Maybe a contest or something. Gotta figure that out! We still have some time before that, and for the time being, I would love to hear from you guys behind the screen. How am I doing? Besides the lack of posts recently. You love my blog? Love hating it? Why do you read it and what makes it worth while? Please leave comments or send me an email (address found on the right with other gadgets.) Feel free to be anonymous; I know some people aren't comfortable with using any names on the internet. Thank you :)

Oh, and I'm working on a video post. Absolutely no promises on when it'll come out or anything, but I'm working on it. 

Take care out there!!!<3

-i

Good things come in pink boxes

Today was a day when I woke up and cried. It was time for my room mate to go back to Germany. Her flight left from Portland at 7 am, and suddenly I was alone. With my host(mom) out of town, I have the house all to myself, and it's weird.
Now only my stuff is taking space by the sink in the bathroom. They're neatly organized on my side. The other side is empty. Maybe I should spread my things more.

Yesterday we had a little going-away party for S. We went out to dinner and after that a few of us gathered at our house for a sugar-filled after party.

We ordered a Party Platter from Voodoo Doughnuts. This is so funny... I still have left overs. 

We watched a movie called Idiocracy, I'd never heard about it before, but it was hilarious!
After our guests left, S gave me a present.

I'd been admiring this painting at the Made in Oregon -store, and told S that I would buy it if I had the money at the end of my trip. And now she got it for me. I love it!!!! Thank you, S <33

Something's definitely missing now that she's not here anymore. But today wasn't a goodbye, it was just a see-you-later.
Way later, though :/
Fortunately, there are cheap flights from Finland to Germany.

September Resolution

Yo! Sorry for neglecting you (again). I will return to blogging asap, maybe even tomorrow. When I have more energy. BUT, here's a GUEST POST written by ANONYMOUS. Someone promised to fill the gap in this blog and I gratefully allowed that :) Enjoy! 

As I was laying in bed I had a revelation.  I am going to the gym on Saturday to get healthy/look good for the rest of my life and October 19th.  So I need to purchase a membership and some new outfits to workout in.  I am also going to drink a bottle of water before I go to bed.  I don't have a workout plan but I know someone who does...thats good enough.

xoxo, 

me

I guess now's as good a time as any

Ok, it's official. 

I'm freaking out.

I've got four days to get everything settled. FOUR DAYS! Sh*t. Seriously. Help me. 

My apartment's mostly done. 

But I haven't packed, not even a little bit.

I haven't applied for ESTA, and knowing that it will be taken care of tomorrow, isn't helping at all. 

I haven't exchanged all the money I want to exchange.

I still have some shopping to do, and I can't get it done until Wednesday or Thursday. 

I can't even remember what to do. 

I want to cry :(

Anybody out there, who would like to come and make sure I don't throw myself down from the balcony?

Yeah. It'll be ok, I know. I'll let you know by Friday night. Stay tuned. 

the world is my playground

Here I am, sitting on my couch, in my studio apartment, cleaning - watching a movie, chatting with a friend on Facebook.... and I look around me and think, am I ever going to get out of here?

It's hard to imagine that I will get out. I will. IwillIwillIwill!

I don't hate it here... Dislike is a better word. The circles here are too small and I feel I've seen everything this country has to offer. So, it's time for a change of scenery. I'll start with the 3 months in the States this fall. Then I'll come back... for a time that's necessary for me to gather up money for my next adventure.

Yes, I'm already planning my next adventure. 

I'll fill you in later :)

Did I miss my youth?

I've always been a good girl. You know, the kind that never ditches school, tries her best, obeys her parents, feels guilty for like a month after snapping at someone. I never went to bars or clubs under 18, though my friends from school tried to persuade me. "Your looks are going to waste!" they would say (I've always looked older than I truly am). But I never went. I liked being at home with my family, doing something low key, like reading and drawing. 

You know how some people don't take the best of their prime years... they sail through them and later on, way later, they suddenly get the urge to do the things they never did when they were sixteen. Lately I've been having the same feeling. Or I've been fearing of having that feeling. In a very short period of time I've become more sure of myself than I've ever been before, and thus gathered up more courage to be more me. I've also come to understand others better, and their way of expressing themselves. 

I'd like to dye my hair all pink, just because I love the color and because I feel more bohemian than ever. I think I've always been somewhat of a hippie. I won't dye my hair, though, so you can save yourself from the mini heart attack :)

I've been wanting to get a tattoo for a long time. I even know which one I'm going to get, if I'll ever have the money and the guts to ink my skin permanently. It's very small and I would get it in a place that's visible enough, but very easy to hide as well. 

I like to play with my thoughts. I like to think of myself actually doing this. But right now... I'm too much of a chicken. And broke. And I'm happy as a brunette. 

I don't know, if my prime years are behind me. Maybe I'm living them right now, or maybe they're still ahead of me. Either way, I don't think I missed them. I never did anything I wasn't comfortable with. I'm glad I was a good girl. Still am. My writing's still my main way of expressing myself, but who knows... maybe someday I'll choose more obvious ways to show my true colors. 

Me. Just me.

Yeah, so I admit I've had my share of small panic attacks relating to whether or not I've accomplished enough in my life. I'm 23 years old, and sometimes I feel like nothing's not enough. Most of the time, fortunately, I feel like I've done pretty well.

I've traveled in a lot of places, ever since I was a baby. I learned some English before it was a mandatory subject at school, and then went on learning, so ever since I was 10-11 years old, I've managed to communicate in English on my own, without much help. It has encouraged me to test my limits abroad. I can travel alone in the biggest cities in the world, and know I have what it takes to survive, and survive well. I've made some very useful contacts overseas, if I may say so myself. I have been blessed with common sense. I tend to be bossy sometimes, but hey, someone's gotta keep it rolling. I take after my mother on that one. 

I have friends, who enrich my world with their own backgrounds, stories and experiences. 

I'm a daughter of two people, who support my desire to explore the world. 

I have a brother, whom I love so very much, and whose occasional special needs make him the most special guy in this world. 

I'm not much of a talker, unless you get me reallyreally drunk (don't), but I've come to realize that blogging is the easiest and the best way for me to say things I may not be comfortable saying to someone's face, even if the things I want to say, are positive. 

I've gone crazy with my friends, laughed so hard it actually hurts, cried my eyes out, attended concerts of world-famous singers', screamed in awe, screamed in anger, loved, hated, embraced, gotten up from the bottom. I have lived. 

For a 23-year-old... could be a lot worse :) 

Love, 

me

*light bulb over my head*

This summer has gone by so fast. I'm glad to realize it's been good so far. The weather hasn't been too hot (although my apt is sweltering and I don't have A/C... so my fan's on 24/7). I've also had the chance  to do nice things. I got to see one of my favorite singers, Christina Perri, perform live, I've spent time with my friends and family, I'm doing well at work, I've made new connections and acquaintances... All in all, summer 2012 is pretty much rocking :) 

A couple of years ago things weren't this good, but I've learned a lot since then. And I wouldn't change a thing, because I think that was a turning point in my life. I wouldn't be the person I am today if it weren't for all the s****y (I don't like cursing, but that's the only word that describes this well enough) experiences. 

I still can't wait for the fall!!!

Every cloud has a silver lining. Mine was FedExed to me.

I guess the heat has reached the arctic as well. Dammit. 70° and sunny is all I ask. Especially when I'm working. Like today. But no... It's way more than 70°.My uniform is all black, and the AC at work isn't the best. Sometimes it's nonexistent. Today, in the heat, I kept running between the kitchen and the outside terrace, where all our customers decided to eat. The terrace is big, if I didn't tell you that before.

Sooo.. I'm kinda dead right now. Two more days of work and then I'll have a day off. AH! <3

And today was made better when I received a package from my friend in Abu Dhabi. She sent me a new case for my phone! :)

Bling<3

Hope you all had a good day! 

12 months shrinks down to 2

For an adventurous person like me, there's a vast range of opportunities to travel and see what's out there. I was looking for one when my senior year in high school started. And I found one.

I had never been to the States before, always wanted to go, so a year as an Au Pair seemed like a perfect thing for me. I liked being with kids and I wanted to explore America. Right on! 

It's relatively cheap to go to be an au pair. The application process may not be the easiest one, but it's ok. You have to get a background check, go see a doctor who'll see that you're fit to go, fill in the papers (lots of them -including making a photo album of yourself and your life (that was the fun part)), do some personality tests (I know...), get an international driver's license... I hope I didn't forget anything. Anyway, after all of that you wait for the organization (which ever you use) to find you a host family. In my case, it was family number 22 or 23 that first contacted me, and after graduating high school I set out to go on what was supposed to be the greatest year of my life. 

Things didn't really work out, though. 

After two months the family let me go. The policy is, that when things don't work out, the family is obligated to keep the au pair for two weeks, while the organization works on finding a new family. The current family can decide whether or not to let the au pair work during this time. If the au pair works, they are of course entitled to get paid for the entire week. Four years ago the pay was something like 150-160 dollars a week, I think by now it's more like 200/week. I didn't work anymore. I didn't see much of the kids anymore either, which was a shame, because I'd gotten attached to them, especially to the little 2-year-old. 

You're probably wondering what went wrong. 

It was a communication problem. There was no problem with the language, as my English is fluent, but  I wasn't always aware of everything I was supposed to be doing, what were my responsibilities. I was hoping for more instructions, and the family wasn't happy with me. I'm not blaming everything on them. I was insanely home sick and I know it affected on my working, so there was fault on both sides. Still, I wish the family had realized I wasn't a mind reader. After two weeks I went to stay with a friend for a couple of more days and then I flew back home. 

It's been four years, and I haven't had any contact with the family since. It wasn't a nice good bye. In fact, they didn't even say good bye. Oh well. I was mad at them for a while after coming back home, but now I'm just hoping they're doing well. I hope the kids are all right, and I wonder what they've grown up to be like. Sometimes I wish I would run into them, when I visit my friends in the States, so that I could just have five minutes to talk to them, and make sure there are no bad feelings anymore. I actually wish I would see the dad, since he was always fair to me. 

I have absolutely no regrets. I didn't get the greatest year of my life, and the two months wasn't the easiest period of my life, either. But I'm so, so, so very happy that I went there. I met such great people there, and I made friends for life. I was so blessed to have found friends who took me in and took care of me when I really needed someone to be there for me, when my own family was only on my computer screen. If I hadn't left, I probably wouldn't be going back in the fall. I wouldn't have all the great experiences from my vacations afterwards. 

I've heard all kinds of au pair -stories. Some bad, some great. Don't be afraid to go, just because it didn't work for me. I worked out for a lot of people, and you can really have the greatest year (or two, if you want to extend!!) of your life. If you have any questions about this, don't hesitate to ask. 

Any other au pairs out there who would like to share their stories? I'm more than willing to post your stories here! Just say the word :) 

Have a happy July everyone! <3

W is for WORLD

We have come a long way since people thought the Earth was flat. 

Now you can be anywhere in the world, and your family and friends are only a phone call away. You can even contact them via internet and see them while you're talking. 50 years ago, who would have thought? You don't even have to go that far back.

The world is getting smaller as we speak. More doors open to us. More opportunities.

I recently talked to someone who said she'll never ever travel again. She had made the decision voluntarily, not because she was forced to by anything. I'll be honest, I can't remember the reasons she told me, because I was too shocked that she would make a decision like that in the first place. That anyone would. Why wouldn't people want to see what this world has to offer? Why wouldn't they be open to widen their horizons? 

I understand that some aren't able to do much because of limited resources. The financial situation isn't great anywhere now. And trust me, I know what it's like to stretch every penny. I can't even afford my rent right now. And I'm not kidding. But I also know that when there's a will, there's a way. 

When you have a passion for something, it's hard to understand the point of view of those, who do not share your passion. I cannot understand people who don't want to get out there, but I respect their decisions. It's their life. 

My life would be empty without a getaway every once in a while. 

This fall couldn't come soon enough.

down

I once told you there's only one song that has ever hit me as the kind of song that describes my life. 

Don't think too badly of me. It's not the easiest thing to share this, but I'm doing it because sometimes I still feel like that. There's a difference between the person I was back then and the person I am now, though.

Now I know the feeling doesn't last forever. 

I miss you.

I've been thinking about friendship and the meaning of it a lot lately. I guess I've been feeling a bit lost. I have a lot of great friends, but sadly I don't see some of them nearly as much as I would like to. 

The thing is, when there's a group of people who get along perfectly, who don't keep secrets from each other, who are so alike it's almost scary, you wish you could stay together forever. If that's the case with you, consider yourself lucky. Sadly, life tends to pull people apart, and staying together is going to take a lot of effort. 

What is friendship? Really? 

To me, it's when friends don't judge each other by their mistakes. When they listen to your problems and do their best to help. If they can't help, listening is enough. It's when they see each other, they can pick up from where they left off the last time. When there's no awkwardness. When they have fights, realizing it started because they care for each other. It's when one look is enough to tell them all they need to know. When their secrets become your secrets. It's group-chatting online. Laughing and crying at the same time. Hiding each other's phones so no one can do anything stupid. Making a complete fool out of yourself knowing that there's nothing that can make them not love you. 

It's the need to see each other after a long time, and the wanting to make that happen. 

Have you seen the movie Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants? I watched the sequel today for about a hundredth time. I've also read the books. Love them. Lena, Tibby, Carmen and Bridget may be fictional characters, but I like to think that their friendship lasted beyond the books. But then again... Desperate Housewives depicted the friendship of Gabby, Susan, Bree and Lynette, and even after everything they went through, they drifted apart. It was their last poker game on the last episode. I know it might seem crazy to compare real-life friendships to made up -ones shown on TV, but when you really think about it, it's not that crazy at all. 

When you have that group, you want to keep it. One day you wake up to find you're not as tight as you used to be, and that scares you. What scares you even more, is that you're not as upset about it as you always imagined you'd be. You've all moved on, and it has almost happened unnoticed. 

Almost. 

I want a lot more poker games. 

S is for SUMMER

It's here. It's been here for a while now. And I love it. Well, parts of it :) I don't love the heat, which is actually a good thing, because here in Finland we rarely get hot weather (the last couple of summers are an exception). I'm hoping this summer will be mild. 70 and sunny would make me happy. 

Today I had a day off. Bliss. In the evening I went to the movies with a few friends. 

The movie was weird to say the very least... I'm not completely sure if it was worth to pay for. 

Time to bring out the summer dresses!

Strawberry milkshake <3

I love it when it's light outside at 11pm

Have a happy summer of 2012 :) 

-I

P.S Pictures of the graduation cakes coming up soon! I was stupid enough to forget my own camera at home, so now I have to wait until I get my hands on my mother's cam. 

Q is for QUOTES

This feeling can only be described in Finnish

Tässä tämän blogin toinen suomenkielinen postaus. Etukäteen jo anteeksi, että aihe ei kyllä ole positiivinen. Joten jos sinulla on hyvä päivä, lopeta lukeminen tähän, äläkä pilaa sitä. 

Viime aikoina on vaivannut stressi. Se on vanha tuttuni. Jokin aika sitten ylpeilin sillä, että nykyään en enää stressaa niin paljon, että olen oppinut elämään päivä kerrallaan, tehden kuitenkin suunnitelmia, mutta ottamatta niistä turhia paineita. Just juu... mihinkäs sitä koira karvoistaan pääsee?

Ennen olin hyvä peittämään stressiä, mutta nykyään se nousee pintaan hyvinkin helposti ja purkautuu vihanpuuskina. Pahoina sellaisina. Anteeksi niille, jotka olette niitä joutuneet kestämään. Mistä sitten stressaan? No siitä, mistä kaikki muutkin. Rahasta, tulevaisuudesta, elämästä yleensä... omalla kohdallani päänvaivaa aiheuttaa tinnitus, ja stressaanpa vielä ihosta kaiken lisäksi. Se ei ole hyvä juttu, ihoni kun reagoi stressiin aika voimakkaasti. Jes... Onneksi minulla on äiti, joka jaksaa (melkein) aina kannustaa ja pysyä toiveikkaana kaiken suhteen. Se tasapainottaa tätä olotilaa, jolle on vain yksi sana. Se on se v:llä alkava, jota en nyt tähän kirjoita. Kaikki kuitenkin tiedätte, mistä on kyse. 

Tämä on varmaan tätä perussuomalaista yrmeyttä. Onneksi minusta löytyy edes sen verran optimismia, että tiedän asioiden järjestyvän. Jossain syvällä sisimmässäni tiedän sen. Mutta täytyy oppia päästämään pessimistisyydestä irti. 

Tänään ärsytti mennä S-Markettiin, jossa puolet hyllyistä oli tyhjät. Kauppa kun muuttaa naapuritontille. Tässäkin asiassa ajattelin, että voi kun mukavaa saada lajikoimaltaan laajempi ääsmarket kotimatkan varrelle. Koen sen edistyksenä asenteen muutoksessani. 

Kyllä tästä noustaan. Aina on noustu. Paljon on kivaa odottettavissa, joten hymyillään :)

-I